Evelyn's Story

Bob and I found out we were expecting on November 18, 2009.  We were shocked and thrilled.  I had imagined that it would take months or years to conceive but we were lucky enough to get pregnant on our first full month of "trying".  The pregnancy was one of those "easy" ones that people talk about.  No morning sickness, very few food aversions, and only some minor discomfort towards the end of the third trimester.  We found out at 20 weeks that we were having a little girl, despite my initial thoughts that I was carrying a boy.  Bob and I were so excited!  Our due date was set for July 31 and it was approaching rapidly!

On July 25th, Bob and I spent a relaxing Sunday together knowing that it would probably be one of our last weekends without a newborn around the house.  We had a late lunch and I mentioned to Bob that I hadn't felt the baby move in awhile.  I laid on my side on the couch and we tried everything we could think of.  From drinking OJ to shining a bright light on my belly, we tried it all.  Being that we were still nervous, we called my midwife who advised us to just go to L&D to get some scans done to make sure everything was alright.
 
We grabbed our bags and the carseat thinking that the worst case scenario was that they would preform an emergency c-section to help our baby.  Never did it cross my mind that we were about to get the worst news of our lives.

After filling out paperwork at the hospital (most of which I wasn't sure what I was signing), they brought us into triage where a nurse attempted to find a heartbeat.  Since she was having trouble, she brought in a doctor (maybe an intern, I really don't remember) to use the ultrasound machine to detect the position of the baby.  That is when I started to get nervous.  The look on the intern's face told it all, but no one said anything.  I tried to hold it together while they brought in 2 more doctors.  They were all finding the same terrible thing, but we hadn't been given a clear statement as to what was happening.  My world fell apart in those few moments as did my husbands.  He nearly passed out and I fell into a state of complete shock.  I just remember saying, "Can't you just get her out?" over and over.  In my mind, that would fix everything.  That whole period felt surreal, like I was dreaming  or watching this happen on a tv show.  How could this be happening?  Everything had been perfect in the pregnancy up until that moment.

When my midwife arrived shortly thereafter, she hugged me and cried with us.  She explained that I would be induced using cervadil overnight and then I would get pitocin the next morning.  My body reacted well to the induction and I moved along that night into the following day.  I opted for the epidural even though we had planned a completely natural birth...at that point, the benefits of natural birth were null and void.

I delievered our gorgeous girl at 9:12pm on July 26th.  We named her Evelyn Matilda, a name that we both loved.  I immediately began weeping after she was born knowing that we would not be bringing her home.  I didn't think I'd be able to hold her, but seeing Bob look into her eyes as he held her in his arms, I knew I had to or I would regret it.  We took our time alone and told her how beautiful she was and that we loved her. I hold these special moments in my heart.

We had a lot of family there to support us and they did everything they could to help us through our difficult time.  Bob's sister, Chrissie,  was fantastic and contacted Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep to come in and take beautiful photos of our family of 3.  I cherish these as they capture the only moments we had with our little girl.  Our family was invited to hold her and meet her if they chose to do so and many of them did.

We still don't know what caused Evelyn's little heart to stop beating.  Chances are that we will never know.  All we can do is cherish the time that we had with her and keep her memory alive in our hearts and minds through our words and actions.

She will always be our little girl, our angel.