Today marks one year since the day Bob and I heard the news that no parent ever wants to hear. On July 25, 2010, after not feeling Evelyn for almost a full day, we found out that she no longer had a heartbeat.
The news was devastating and our lives have been forever changed since then. This past year has been a roller coaster of emotions. To even try to sum it up would be impossible. Each day, and sometimes each minute, brought with it its own set of trials and emotional twists and turns.
Tomorrow we will commemorate what should have been her first birthday. Internally I struggled with what to do for this special occasion. I was afraid of doing something too big and having to keep it up or make it bigger each year, but at the same time I was terrified that I was not doing enough. I didn't really want it to be a sad day because Evelyn was able to bring so much joy during her short time with us, but at the same time a full-out celebration seemed crazy. Bob and I talked about it and decided that it should be a day for close family to spend together if they so desired because that's what her first birthday would have been anyway.
My emotions that leading up to this day fluctuate because I know that we have some very happy times ahead of us. This little boy growing in my belly has brought me a lot of peace and calm with Evelyn's birthday coming up. I'm really not sure how I'd be taking it if I wasn't in the midst of this healthy pregnancy. At the same time, I feel very guilty for not being completely miserable. I believe that our baby boy is here to lift our spirits and he came when we really needed him the most. However, Bob and I have discussed our mutual fear that Evelyn will get lost in the shuffle. We know that we must be diligent in not letting that happen. I don't know what my life will be like when our little bundle arrives, but I plan to keep Evelyn's memory alive by talking about her to her little brother often.
We have been very lucky to have supportive friends and family who understand how deeply our daughter has touched our lives. She is not and will not be forgotten and we are so thankful to have so many people out there who will ensure that this is the case. Thank you to everyone who has stood by Bob and I this past year. You have no idea how much it has meant to us.
So, while today is no different than any other day in that I will be thinking about Evelyn, it does hold more weight than most days because of the significance of what happened one year ago. In some ways it's hard to believe that it has been a whole year since we said goodbye to our angel, but in other ways the time has felt as if it has stood still. We miss her each moment that she is not with us but at the same time, we are so thankful to have known her at all.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Size matters!
Sorry...the title of the post was the first thing that came to mind when thinking about what I was going to write. Let me explain.
We went to our perinatologist (a specialist in high-risk pregnancies) last week for our regular check up. She sees us about every 6 weeks or so. Everything went well and we saw Baby Boy's heart beating away and we even got to see him practice his breathing.
(Yes, they actually do this while still in the womb. It's done by swallowing small amounts of amniotic fluid and it works their diaphragm to give them the same exercise as breathing would. But, back to the topic at hand...).
We were about to check out and schedule our next appointment for six weeks later when our doctor came out to see us again. She double checked on the due date that we were using and said that she was slightly concerned because the baby's weight is actually about 12-14 days behind schedule (He was about 1 lb and 12 oz, by the way). Really? You drop this on me as I was about to walk out the door? Way to make me all nervous! Anyway, she said that she'd like to see us in 3 weeks instead of 6 so that she could do another scan to check for progress. As long as there is growth, there shouldn't be anything to worry about and she said that 3 weeks should be enough time to see the changes.
Of course, I'm worried. Who wouldn't be? I've consulted Dr. Google and most sites indicate that our baby's weight is right on target with his age but perhaps a little on the low side. Still, it's nerve-racking. We were supposed to be seeing this perinatologist just as a super precaution because nothing was anticipated to be any different with this pregnancy as with any other normal, healthy woman's pregnancy. I'm glad she's checking into it further, though.
I've been trying to up my protein intake to help boost the baby's weight. I'm also constantly reminding myself that the weights they give us are just estimates based on some measurements and they can be really off. Also, Bob is trying to reassure me that she sounded like she was a bit confused about how far along I am even though she asked for our due date. It has to do with something she said in the appointment.
Anyway, there are a number of things that it could be and I'm trying not to freak out and to do what I can to help this baby grow. I'm thankful to be seeing my midwives next week and I'm hoping that they can put my mind at ease a bit.
To close it off, even if Baby Boy hasn't been growing as much as he should, which is still up for debate, I certainly have continued to grow. Here are a few shots from the wedding that Bob was in a couple weekends ago for our good friends John and Victoria. I'm 26 weeks in the pictures.
We went to our perinatologist (a specialist in high-risk pregnancies) last week for our regular check up. She sees us about every 6 weeks or so. Everything went well and we saw Baby Boy's heart beating away and we even got to see him practice his breathing.
(Yes, they actually do this while still in the womb. It's done by swallowing small amounts of amniotic fluid and it works their diaphragm to give them the same exercise as breathing would. But, back to the topic at hand...).
We were about to check out and schedule our next appointment for six weeks later when our doctor came out to see us again. She double checked on the due date that we were using and said that she was slightly concerned because the baby's weight is actually about 12-14 days behind schedule (He was about 1 lb and 12 oz, by the way). Really? You drop this on me as I was about to walk out the door? Way to make me all nervous! Anyway, she said that she'd like to see us in 3 weeks instead of 6 so that she could do another scan to check for progress. As long as there is growth, there shouldn't be anything to worry about and she said that 3 weeks should be enough time to see the changes.
Of course, I'm worried. Who wouldn't be? I've consulted Dr. Google and most sites indicate that our baby's weight is right on target with his age but perhaps a little on the low side. Still, it's nerve-racking. We were supposed to be seeing this perinatologist just as a super precaution because nothing was anticipated to be any different with this pregnancy as with any other normal, healthy woman's pregnancy. I'm glad she's checking into it further, though.
I've been trying to up my protein intake to help boost the baby's weight. I'm also constantly reminding myself that the weights they give us are just estimates based on some measurements and they can be really off. Also, Bob is trying to reassure me that she sounded like she was a bit confused about how far along I am even though she asked for our due date. It has to do with something she said in the appointment.
Anyway, there are a number of things that it could be and I'm trying not to freak out and to do what I can to help this baby grow. I'm thankful to be seeing my midwives next week and I'm hoping that they can put my mind at ease a bit.
To close it off, even if Baby Boy hasn't been growing as much as he should, which is still up for debate, I certainly have continued to grow. Here are a few shots from the wedding that Bob was in a couple weekends ago for our good friends John and Victoria. I'm 26 weeks in the pictures.
No News is Good News
Below is a post that I started to write about a month ago. Time got away from me, but I finally got around to finishing it and sharing with you. :)
I haven't posted in awhile. Sorry.
It seem that this summer has been and will continue to keep us quite busy. Bob and I are each in a wedding and so we have lots of festivities and fun stuff to go along with each wedding. On top of that, we have two vacations planned; the first is a long weekend to Florida to visit Bob's grandparents and the second is our annual family trip to the Outer Banks, NC. Plus we have the usual summer activities (i.e.- BBQs, family visits, and outings with friends). I'm looking forward to all of the fun things this summer, but it's certainly keeping me on my toes. Maybe it will make the time pass quickly until October!
The countdown is on. I've whizzed through a good chunk of my second trimester and I am between 23 and 24 weeks. This is a big milestone because at 24 weeks, the baby is considered viable by most doctors and hospitals and is able to survive outside of the womb (usually with lots of assistance from medical technology). While I hope that Baby Blah Blue* stays in for quite a few more weeks, it is reassuring to know that if he came early, he has the possibility of survival on his side.
*Not his real name...don't worry!
We celebrated Father's Day last Sunday and I got Bob some NY Rangers clothes for the baby as well as some chocolates that he loves. I know hockey just finished for the season all set for when the next one comes around!
Just a few thoughts about holidays like Father's Day. I know I wrote about this when Mother's Day came around as well. Bob IS a father. No, he has not experienced all of the fatherly things that come along with taking a baby home from the hospital. He hasn't had the sleepless nights nor the constant diaper changes. However, is that what makes someone a father? Since we only got to spend one Father's Day (and one Mother's Day) while Evelyn was alive, we cherish those memories and those special days. If we hadn't celebrated that "first Father's Day" last year, Bob would never have gotten to celebrate with his daughter. I know that there are people that feel that unless the baby is out of the womb, that you don't "count" as a mother or father on these special days, but we are just thankful that we each got to spend at least one of these holidays with Evelyn while she was alive. Next year, we hope to celebrate our third Father's Day and Mother's Day, but our first with our baby in our arms. Sorry for the tangent...
So, that's pretty much all that's been happening around here. I'm thankful for a low-key pregnancy and for our healthy baby boy. Thankfully, there's nothing big to report and, in my mind, no news is good news.
Now if we could only come up up with a name for our little boy...
Here is a picture of me at 24 weeks (much bigger than I was with Evelyn at this point in my pregnancy!):
Thanks for stopping by!
I haven't posted in awhile. Sorry.
It seem that this summer has been and will continue to keep us quite busy. Bob and I are each in a wedding and so we have lots of festivities and fun stuff to go along with each wedding. On top of that, we have two vacations planned; the first is a long weekend to Florida to visit Bob's grandparents and the second is our annual family trip to the Outer Banks, NC. Plus we have the usual summer activities (i.e.- BBQs, family visits, and outings with friends). I'm looking forward to all of the fun things this summer, but it's certainly keeping me on my toes. Maybe it will make the time pass quickly until October!
The countdown is on. I've whizzed through a good chunk of my second trimester and I am between 23 and 24 weeks. This is a big milestone because at 24 weeks, the baby is considered viable by most doctors and hospitals and is able to survive outside of the womb (usually with lots of assistance from medical technology). While I hope that Baby Blah Blue* stays in for quite a few more weeks, it is reassuring to know that if he came early, he has the possibility of survival on his side.
*Not his real name...don't worry!
We celebrated Father's Day last Sunday and I got Bob some NY Rangers clothes for the baby as well as some chocolates that he loves. I know hockey just finished for the season all set for when the next one comes around!
Just a few thoughts about holidays like Father's Day. I know I wrote about this when Mother's Day came around as well. Bob IS a father. No, he has not experienced all of the fatherly things that come along with taking a baby home from the hospital. He hasn't had the sleepless nights nor the constant diaper changes. However, is that what makes someone a father? Since we only got to spend one Father's Day (and one Mother's Day) while Evelyn was alive, we cherish those memories and those special days. If we hadn't celebrated that "first Father's Day" last year, Bob would never have gotten to celebrate with his daughter. I know that there are people that feel that unless the baby is out of the womb, that you don't "count" as a mother or father on these special days, but we are just thankful that we each got to spend at least one of these holidays with Evelyn while she was alive. Next year, we hope to celebrate our third Father's Day and Mother's Day, but our first with our baby in our arms. Sorry for the tangent...
So, that's pretty much all that's been happening around here. I'm thankful for a low-key pregnancy and for our healthy baby boy. Thankfully, there's nothing big to report and, in my mind, no news is good news.
Now if we could only come up up with a name for our little boy...
Here is a picture of me at 24 weeks (much bigger than I was with Evelyn at this point in my pregnancy!):
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