Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
2011 Rock and Walk
Yesterday was a beautiful day. The weather was gray, windy, and a bit chilly. I cried more than once. But yet, it was beautiful.
Yesterday was the 2011 Tears Foundation Rock and Walk in NJ.
Bob and I first came in contact with this group after losing Evelyn. Their goal is to help families compassionately remember their babies who have passed away between the ages of 20 weeks gestation and 1 year. Many don't realize how much of a financial burden it can be to give an honorable funeral for a baby who as passed. We were fortunate enough to have the help of family and a local funeral home after we lost Evelyn, but our circumstances are not universal. Many cannot afford headstones to denote their child's name in the cemetery or costs of cremation may be out of their reach. After enduring such a traumatic loss, for many families, the thought of not being able to honor their children is a terrible thing to go through.
The worst fear of many parents is that their child will not be remembered. Tears helps to ensure that they are honorably remembered and provides support groups for parents to come and share their stories and grief with other parents who have been through similar circumstances.
The support and friendship that Bob and I have found in our local group has been invaluable in our journey through grief and loss. They helped us to know that we are not alone and that there is hope at the end of the long and hard journey.
Now, Bob and I have the wonderful opportunity of sharing our current pregnancy with our friends in Tears. They understand how hard and emotional a subsequent pregnancy can be and have been very supportive. In this circle we call these babies that come after a loss Rainbow Babies. They are the rainbow that appears after the storm and, for many, they are the light at the end of the tunnel.
I want to thank everyone who supported us in our effort to always remember Evelyn! You have all helped us more than you can ever know! We love you!!
So, although it was gray, chilly, and emotional, it was a beautiful day. Here are some of my favorite shots for the day. They were taken by Bob's sister, Bob's step-mother, and another father of an angel.
The boardwalk was lined with butterflies with each of the babies' names.
Here is most of Team Evelyn Matilda.
Seeing the kiddos wear Evelyn's name made my heart melt.
Here is Pop Pop proudly wearing his youngest grand-daughter's name while carrying his oldest granddaughter.
And lastly, here is Bob and another member of our Tears group hugging after we were given Evelyn's buttefly.
Thank you to everyone again! Hopefully next year we will have some sunshine and our rainbow!!
Yesterday was the 2011 Tears Foundation Rock and Walk in NJ.
Bob and I first came in contact with this group after losing Evelyn. Their goal is to help families compassionately remember their babies who have passed away between the ages of 20 weeks gestation and 1 year. Many don't realize how much of a financial burden it can be to give an honorable funeral for a baby who as passed. We were fortunate enough to have the help of family and a local funeral home after we lost Evelyn, but our circumstances are not universal. Many cannot afford headstones to denote their child's name in the cemetery or costs of cremation may be out of their reach. After enduring such a traumatic loss, for many families, the thought of not being able to honor their children is a terrible thing to go through.
The worst fear of many parents is that their child will not be remembered. Tears helps to ensure that they are honorably remembered and provides support groups for parents to come and share their stories and grief with other parents who have been through similar circumstances.
The support and friendship that Bob and I have found in our local group has been invaluable in our journey through grief and loss. They helped us to know that we are not alone and that there is hope at the end of the long and hard journey.
Now, Bob and I have the wonderful opportunity of sharing our current pregnancy with our friends in Tears. They understand how hard and emotional a subsequent pregnancy can be and have been very supportive. In this circle we call these babies that come after a loss Rainbow Babies. They are the rainbow that appears after the storm and, for many, they are the light at the end of the tunnel.
I want to thank everyone who supported us in our effort to always remember Evelyn! You have all helped us more than you can ever know! We love you!!
So, although it was gray, chilly, and emotional, it was a beautiful day. Here are some of my favorite shots for the day. They were taken by Bob's sister, Bob's step-mother, and another father of an angel.
The boardwalk was lined with butterflies with each of the babies' names.
I apologize for my hair...the weather was not conducive! :)
Here is most of Team Evelyn Matilda.
Seeing the kiddos wear Evelyn's name made my heart melt.
And lastly, here is Bob and another member of our Tears group hugging after we were given Evelyn's buttefly.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Kicks, Jabs, and Beatings
Now that I've caught you up with the posts, here's something fresh and new!
It's hard to choose my favorite thing about pregnancy, but if I had to, I think I'd have to go with feeling the movements of the baby inside my belly. I started feeling Evelyn move a little around 17 weeks. They say that you feel subsequent babies earlier so I was really hoping that I'd start feeling this little one at around 15 weeks. In reality, I started feeling this baby moving around ever-so-slightly beginning at about 16 weeks + a few days.
The movements have been few and far between, but I'm so happy to have that feeling back. I'm anxious for the day that I can start feeling those kicks and jabs on the outside of my belly so that Bob can have the opportunity to feel them as well.
Earlier on in the pregnancy (at around 14 weeks) I made the decision that I would feel better having a doppler around the house to check the baby's heartbeat. Most people feel that once you start feeling the baby, that is a time of reassurance. It is, however Evelyn was not super active and our first sign that something was wrong was a lack of movement for an extended period of time. While I know that a doppler won't prevent anything bad from happening, it just makes me feel better knowing that I can check on this little one even if I'm not feeling him/her move around.
If you don't know what a doppler is, it's simply a heart rate monitor with a speaker and a little wand. With a little gel, you put the wand on your belly and you can find the baby's heartbeat. It's easy to figure out if I'm hearing my heartbeat or the baby's because, at this point, the baby's heart beat is about twice as fast at around 145-160 beats per minute.
It's been so reassuring having that doppler around for being able to check on the baby when I'm not feeling him/her very frequently. I've been very careful about getting obsessive as could be easy to do with a device like this around the house. I could listen to his/her little heart ticking away for hours. There haven't been any studies that show any negative side effects from using a doppler, but I just want to be careful that I don't go overboard.
Here's a quick peak at our little baby's strong heartbeat. Note: This doppler does not very accurately show the bpm in the window. It tends to measure low. We love listening to the baby, but we know that the count for the bpm is off. Each time it has been measured by a midwife/doctor, the baby's heart rate has been around 155-160 bpm. Enjoy!
It's hard to choose my favorite thing about pregnancy, but if I had to, I think I'd have to go with feeling the movements of the baby inside my belly. I started feeling Evelyn move a little around 17 weeks. They say that you feel subsequent babies earlier so I was really hoping that I'd start feeling this little one at around 15 weeks. In reality, I started feeling this baby moving around ever-so-slightly beginning at about 16 weeks + a few days.
The movements have been few and far between, but I'm so happy to have that feeling back. I'm anxious for the day that I can start feeling those kicks and jabs on the outside of my belly so that Bob can have the opportunity to feel them as well.
Earlier on in the pregnancy (at around 14 weeks) I made the decision that I would feel better having a doppler around the house to check the baby's heartbeat. Most people feel that once you start feeling the baby, that is a time of reassurance. It is, however Evelyn was not super active and our first sign that something was wrong was a lack of movement for an extended period of time. While I know that a doppler won't prevent anything bad from happening, it just makes me feel better knowing that I can check on this little one even if I'm not feeling him/her move around.
If you don't know what a doppler is, it's simply a heart rate monitor with a speaker and a little wand. With a little gel, you put the wand on your belly and you can find the baby's heartbeat. It's easy to figure out if I'm hearing my heartbeat or the baby's because, at this point, the baby's heart beat is about twice as fast at around 145-160 beats per minute.
It's been so reassuring having that doppler around for being able to check on the baby when I'm not feeling him/her very frequently. I've been very careful about getting obsessive as could be easy to do with a device like this around the house. I could listen to his/her little heart ticking away for hours. There haven't been any studies that show any negative side effects from using a doppler, but I just want to be careful that I don't go overboard.
Here's a quick peak at our little baby's strong heartbeat. Note: This doppler does not very accurately show the bpm in the window. It tends to measure low. We love listening to the baby, but we know that the count for the bpm is off. Each time it has been measured by a midwife/doctor, the baby's heart rate has been around 155-160 bpm. Enjoy!
In other news, we only have 8 more days to find out of this baby is a him or a her, but who's counting?!?
13 Weeks
Written on April 14, 2011:
This is the first belly shot that we've taken during this pregnancy. It was taken at just over 13 weeks.
From Raspberry to Plum
Written on April 8th, 2011:
As promised here are the ultrasound photos of Sweet Pea (or Blah Blu, whatever you want to call him/her).
The first is at 8 weeks. At this point baby is approximately the size of a raspberry at about .63 inches weighing in at .04 oz.
Just in case you're unsure, the head is on the right and the legs (or leg buds at this point) are to the left.
And here we are just 4 weeks later at just over 12 weeks. Baby is about the size of a plum at a whopping 2.1 inches and a hefty .49 oz.
I think it's safe to say that at this point, you probably can tell which parts are which. It's amazing how much they grow and develop in just 4 short weeks. This ultrasound machine was also much more powerful since it's the one the specialists use. The midwives' equipment is older, but it suits the purposes that they use it for.
Unfortunately, no clues as to the gender of this little one. I'm dying to know, but we won't find out until our anatomy scan on May 24th. Right now it seems like that is forever away, so I hope time flies between now and then!
As promised here are the ultrasound photos of Sweet Pea (or Blah Blu, whatever you want to call him/her).
The first is at 8 weeks. At this point baby is approximately the size of a raspberry at about .63 inches weighing in at .04 oz.
And here we are just 4 weeks later at just over 12 weeks. Baby is about the size of a plum at a whopping 2.1 inches and a hefty .49 oz.
Unfortunately, no clues as to the gender of this little one. I'm dying to know, but we won't find out until our anatomy scan on May 24th. Right now it seems like that is forever away, so I hope time flies between now and then!
It's Been A While
Written on April 1st, 2011:
Well, it's been a while since I've updated on the current state of our little Sweet Pea. Currently, I am one day shy of the 12 week mark in the pregnancy and feeling very good. My nausea has pretty much disappeared and only reoccurs for short bursts once in a blue moon. My hips are beginning to get sore from sleeping on my side, but that part of my body has always been very sensitive. There's been some pulling and stretching sensations in my lower abdomen that I can only assume is because my uterus is expanding to make more room for our growing Sweet Pea.
I may be calling this little one Sweet Pea, but in reality our little one is much bigger than that small green vegetable. Starting at 12 weeks, the baby is about the size of a plum. At over 2 inches and weighing in at almost 0.5 oz there's a lot of growing going on in there! That may sound small (and it is!) but considering that this baby started off as nothing but a bunch of cells, that growth is huge!!
This pregnancy has not been all lollipops and sunshine, however. I anticipated that it would be hard emotionally, and I was absolutely correct. I worry constantly that something is wrong. When my nausea disappeared so quickly, I freaked out. Luckily, Bob called the midwives for me and they brought me in for a quick scan to check on our little one. This was last Friday at 11 weeks. We got to see his/her heart beating strongly and even saw the cord pulsing (how cool?!?). It was a huge relief, but honestly I don't think I'll feel 100% comfortable until we have our baby here in our arms and we know that he/she is healthy.
Even though, I've been referring to our baby as Sweet Pea, there are some other family members who have a different idea of what to call this little one. When Bob's sister asked her daughter Abby (our niece) what we should name the baby she suggested "Blah Blu." She's 3 and a half, so to her that might be the perfect name. We think it's absolutely adorable and have intermittently been using that moniker to refer to the baby as well.
The name topic has definitely been broached at this house. Bob is not big on discussing names until we find out the gender. We still have a few weeks (between 4 and 8 weeks) before that happens so I just keep on adding to my list. Girls names are so much easier to come up with than boys names!
As for whats up and coming for baby and me. We have our first specialist appointment on Monday (4/4) and then on Tuesday we see our midwives again. I will update with any news from those appointments after they happen.
That's all that's going on for now. Hoping for a joyful and otherwise uneventful appointment on Monday!
Well, it's been a while since I've updated on the current state of our little Sweet Pea. Currently, I am one day shy of the 12 week mark in the pregnancy and feeling very good. My nausea has pretty much disappeared and only reoccurs for short bursts once in a blue moon. My hips are beginning to get sore from sleeping on my side, but that part of my body has always been very sensitive. There's been some pulling and stretching sensations in my lower abdomen that I can only assume is because my uterus is expanding to make more room for our growing Sweet Pea.
I may be calling this little one Sweet Pea, but in reality our little one is much bigger than that small green vegetable. Starting at 12 weeks, the baby is about the size of a plum. At over 2 inches and weighing in at almost 0.5 oz there's a lot of growing going on in there! That may sound small (and it is!) but considering that this baby started off as nothing but a bunch of cells, that growth is huge!!
This pregnancy has not been all lollipops and sunshine, however. I anticipated that it would be hard emotionally, and I was absolutely correct. I worry constantly that something is wrong. When my nausea disappeared so quickly, I freaked out. Luckily, Bob called the midwives for me and they brought me in for a quick scan to check on our little one. This was last Friday at 11 weeks. We got to see his/her heart beating strongly and even saw the cord pulsing (how cool?!?). It was a huge relief, but honestly I don't think I'll feel 100% comfortable until we have our baby here in our arms and we know that he/she is healthy.
Even though, I've been referring to our baby as Sweet Pea, there are some other family members who have a different idea of what to call this little one. When Bob's sister asked her daughter Abby (our niece) what we should name the baby she suggested "Blah Blu." She's 3 and a half, so to her that might be the perfect name. We think it's absolutely adorable and have intermittently been using that moniker to refer to the baby as well.
The name topic has definitely been broached at this house. Bob is not big on discussing names until we find out the gender. We still have a few weeks (between 4 and 8 weeks) before that happens so I just keep on adding to my list. Girls names are so much easier to come up with than boys names!
As for whats up and coming for baby and me. We have our first specialist appointment on Monday (4/4) and then on Tuesday we see our midwives again. I will update with any news from those appointments after they happen.
That's all that's going on for now. Hoping for a joyful and otherwise uneventful appointment on Monday!
Phew!
Written on March 10th, 2011:
When I posted about getting the results of the autopsy report at our midwife appointment, I (purposely) neglected to mention that the other purpose of the appointment was to check on our new little one. I know that it was mean and cruel not to mention it, but as I'm writing this I haven't even announced our pregnancy to family and friends in person, much less over a blog. As you've witnessed, I'm saving up the entries about this new pregnancy and will be posting them when we feel the time is right for the big reveal.
Anyway, back to the appointment.
Knowing that I wasneurotic very nervous about seeing the baby and his/her beautifully beating heart, my midwife obliged and did an ultrasound first thing in the appointment. We were able to see our little Sweet Pea all comfy and cozy with a wonderful heartbeat. That made the rest of the not-so-pleasant exam much more bearable!
Based on my last period, our due date is October 15, although I believe it to be closer to October 19 because I tend to ovulate later in my cycle than most. Doesn't really matter anyway since the baby really has no idea about this specified date and will come whenever he/she wants to make his/her presence known.
(Gosh it's annoying not being able to use the appropriate pronoun!)
Lately, my nausea comes and goes in waves and varies day by day. I've been very lucky that it really hasn't been too bad even at it's worst and I haven't had any vomiting at all.
I'm planning on making our appointment with our specialist soon and will probably see her within the next 3-4 weeks.
That's about all the updates for now. I will try to post some ultra sound pictures soon!
When I posted about getting the results of the autopsy report at our midwife appointment, I (purposely) neglected to mention that the other purpose of the appointment was to check on our new little one. I know that it was mean and cruel not to mention it, but as I'm writing this I haven't even announced our pregnancy to family and friends in person, much less over a blog. As you've witnessed, I'm saving up the entries about this new pregnancy and will be posting them when we feel the time is right for the big reveal.
Anyway, back to the appointment.
Knowing that I was
Based on my last period, our due date is October 15, although I believe it to be closer to October 19 because I tend to ovulate later in my cycle than most. Doesn't really matter anyway since the baby really has no idea about this specified date and will come whenever he/she wants to make his/her presence known.
(Gosh it's annoying not being able to use the appropriate pronoun!)
Lately, my nausea comes and goes in waves and varies day by day. I've been very lucky that it really hasn't been too bad even at it's worst and I haven't had any vomiting at all.
I'm planning on making our appointment with our specialist soon and will probably see her within the next 3-4 weeks.
That's about all the updates for now. I will try to post some ultra sound pictures soon!
The Next Step
Written on February 17, 2011:
So far, so good with this new pregnancy. I hit the 5 week mark, so it's still very early on at this point. I try to remain hopeful and positive since anything else is neither helpful nor healthy for me and the baby.
I called on Monday and made an appointment to see my midwives for the first time. They want to see my at 8 weeks, which is typical of any other normal pregnancy so my appointment is on March 9th. At that exam, I will probably get some blood taken, have an exam, ask the midwife any questions, and hopefully get a dating ultrasound done and get to hear the heartbeat. If they don't recommend an ultrasound, I will certainly request one to help calm my underlying nervousness. Besides, since I didn't track this cycle like I have for others, I'm not really sure when I ovulated/conceived.
Here's to hoping that the next 3 weeks go by quickly and smoothly.
So far, so good with this new pregnancy. I hit the 5 week mark, so it's still very early on at this point. I try to remain hopeful and positive since anything else is neither helpful nor healthy for me and the baby.
I called on Monday and made an appointment to see my midwives for the first time. They want to see my at 8 weeks, which is typical of any other normal pregnancy so my appointment is on March 9th. At that exam, I will probably get some blood taken, have an exam, ask the midwife any questions, and hopefully get a dating ultrasound done and get to hear the heartbeat. If they don't recommend an ultrasound, I will certainly request one to help calm my underlying nervousness. Besides, since I didn't track this cycle like I have for others, I'm not really sure when I ovulated/conceived.
Here's to hoping that the next 3 weeks go by quickly and smoothly.
The Phone Call
Written February 12, 2011:
So, I walked around the house all day on Friday (2/11/11) getting more and more anxious by the minute waiting for the call from my midwives office to (hopefully, fingers-crossed) hear that my numbers were going up.
At 2:30 there was still no word and I decided to call. I searched my purse for my cell phone to get the office number. And what to my wondering eyes did appear? (No, not Santa, his sleigh, and his eight tiny reindeer, although that would make for quite a story!) I had a missed call and a message from....you guessed it: my midwives office. They NEVER call my cell phone, well except for this time obviously!
The voice mail was reassuring, but not super informative. It basically said that my numbers looked good and that they had gone up, but that it was still very early in this pregnancy. I had been prepping my mind all day to hear the actual numbers associated with the hCG and progesterone, but none of this information was left for me. So, I tried to call the office, but to no avail. They must have left early because there were no appointments (or maybe they had a lot of patients going to L&D today, who knows?!). But the result is that, while I didn't get the specific numbers I was looking for, I did at least get a bit of reassuring news and that should last me through the weekend. I'll call on Monday to make my first appointment and maybe even request those numbers for curiosity's sake.
So, I walked around the house all day on Friday (2/11/11) getting more and more anxious by the minute waiting for the call from my midwives office to (hopefully, fingers-crossed) hear that my numbers were going up.
At 2:30 there was still no word and I decided to call. I searched my purse for my cell phone to get the office number. And what to my wondering eyes did appear? (No, not Santa, his sleigh, and his eight tiny reindeer, although that would make for quite a story!) I had a missed call and a message from....you guessed it: my midwives office. They NEVER call my cell phone, well except for this time obviously!
The voice mail was reassuring, but not super informative. It basically said that my numbers looked good and that they had gone up, but that it was still very early in this pregnancy. I had been prepping my mind all day to hear the actual numbers associated with the hCG and progesterone, but none of this information was left for me. So, I tried to call the office, but to no avail. They must have left early because there were no appointments (or maybe they had a lot of patients going to L&D today, who knows?!). But the result is that, while I didn't get the specific numbers I was looking for, I did at least get a bit of reassuring news and that should last me through the weekend. I'll call on Monday to make my first appointment and maybe even request those numbers for curiosity's sake.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Anxiety and an Update
Written on February 11, 2011:
I've been putting off writing this because I'm trying not to think about it. I really want to enjoy this pregnancy and take in every precious moment. I know that worrying won't make anything better and that what's best for me and baby is to just relax.
Here's what has gotten my head a-swirlin'. As I wrote a few days ago, my blood was drawn to confirm pregnancy and I had to wait 24 hours for the result. Well, I waited and waited all the next day (Tuesday - 2/8/11) and did not get the phone call. Bob kept telling me to just call them, but I didn't want to make myself an imposition and my outlook is that I will be spending (hopefully) the next nine months with the people in the midwives' office so I don't want to start on the wrong foot and be deemed "that annoying patient."
Fast forward to the next day. By mid afternoon, I just couldn't take it anymore and called them up. The secretary put one of our midwives on the phone and she was able to tell me the results.
The tests came back that I am, in fact, pregnant, but that it appears to be very early on. My hCG was only 35 and my progesterone was low (10.9, I think). The low hCG can be explained by the fact that I ovulate late in my cycle and that I probably was only about 12 days post ovulation. My progesterone was also low with my pregnancy with Evelyn and I was supplemented with Prometrium for the first trimester.
My midwife offered to put my on the Prometrium again immediately if I wanted but did say that a healthy pregnancy is a healthy pregnancy and no amount of progesterone is going to save one if it's not. She recommended that I get my blood redrawn to check that my hCG levels are steadily rising and that at that point, if my progesterone was still low, we would talk about supplementing.
That is the plan we decided to go with and I had my blood drawn again (from the same exact bruised spot on my arm, might I add) and I am anxiously awaiting the results anytime now. I do take (a little) solace in the fact that a pregnancy test that I took on Tuesday night came back very positive with a nice dark line (as compared to the light line that showed up yesterday).
I haven't slept well for the past 3 nights and probably won't until everything is confirmed to be ok (read - when our baby is in our arms!). My symptoms come and go and I find myself wishing I had more of them to confirm that everything is going well. I know what some of you are probably thinking: be careful what you wish for, but at this point, I'll take anything that comes as long as the pregnancy is a healthy one for baby. I had almost no early symptoms with Evelyn aside from some lower backache, so I know that that just might be the way that my body reacts to pregnancy. So far I've inconsistently had: frequent urination, lower backache, and frequent hunger pangs.
I guess time will tell with what happens. For now, I'm trying to remind myself to breath and take this all in. This anxiety will subside sometime.... right?
I've been putting off writing this because I'm trying not to think about it. I really want to enjoy this pregnancy and take in every precious moment. I know that worrying won't make anything better and that what's best for me and baby is to just relax.
Here's what has gotten my head a-swirlin'. As I wrote a few days ago, my blood was drawn to confirm pregnancy and I had to wait 24 hours for the result. Well, I waited and waited all the next day (Tuesday - 2/8/11) and did not get the phone call. Bob kept telling me to just call them, but I didn't want to make myself an imposition and my outlook is that I will be spending (hopefully) the next nine months with the people in the midwives' office so I don't want to start on the wrong foot and be deemed "that annoying patient."
Fast forward to the next day. By mid afternoon, I just couldn't take it anymore and called them up. The secretary put one of our midwives on the phone and she was able to tell me the results.
The tests came back that I am, in fact, pregnant, but that it appears to be very early on. My hCG was only 35 and my progesterone was low (10.9, I think). The low hCG can be explained by the fact that I ovulate late in my cycle and that I probably was only about 12 days post ovulation. My progesterone was also low with my pregnancy with Evelyn and I was supplemented with Prometrium for the first trimester.
My midwife offered to put my on the Prometrium again immediately if I wanted but did say that a healthy pregnancy is a healthy pregnancy and no amount of progesterone is going to save one if it's not. She recommended that I get my blood redrawn to check that my hCG levels are steadily rising and that at that point, if my progesterone was still low, we would talk about supplementing.
That is the plan we decided to go with and I had my blood drawn again (from the same exact bruised spot on my arm, might I add) and I am anxiously awaiting the results anytime now. I do take (a little) solace in the fact that a pregnancy test that I took on Tuesday night came back very positive with a nice dark line (as compared to the light line that showed up yesterday).
I haven't slept well for the past 3 nights and probably won't until everything is confirmed to be ok (read - when our baby is in our arms!). My symptoms come and go and I find myself wishing I had more of them to confirm that everything is going well. I know what some of you are probably thinking: be careful what you wish for, but at this point, I'll take anything that comes as long as the pregnancy is a healthy one for baby. I had almost no early symptoms with Evelyn aside from some lower backache, so I know that that just might be the way that my body reacts to pregnancy. So far I've inconsistently had: frequent urination, lower backache, and frequent hunger pangs.
I guess time will tell with what happens. For now, I'm trying to remind myself to breath and take this all in. This anxiety will subside sometime.... right?
Friday, May 13, 2011
News
Ok, here it is...the first of the aforementioned saved-up pregnancy posts. Enjoy!
Written on February 7, 2011:
After Bob and I both stared at the strip for quite some time, I swore that I saw two lines...but was uneasy because I had
So, what did I do? I took another one, of course, and compared it to the first. I'd never used this brand of test before and even the control line was coming up very light. Again, those deceptive eyes came into play and neither Bob or myself could determine if there were two lines there.
Ok, enough was enough already for me. I called my midwives and basically begged them to find the fastest way for me to get a reliable result. (Since they've been seeing me since before concieving Evelyn, they understood my insane anxiety to know the actual results). They sent me off to Lab Corp. for a blood test.
I pretty much lost it at Lab Corp. and tried to explain through my sobs to the very nice lab assistants there the reason why this test had me all in a tizzy. They assured me that it would take no more than 24 hours for the results. Yes, 24 HOURS!!! How could I wait that long??
Well, the truth is that I couldn't wait that long. I went to Target on my way home and picked up not one, but two different types of pregnancy tests to try get some real results and ease my mind a bit. (Sidenote - Bob definitely thought I was insane for spending another $20 on tests, but my peace of mind was worth it, right?!?)
No sooner did I walk in the door at home did I find myself in the bathroom taking a third pregnancy test for the day. This time it was a First Response test, which happens to be the same type test that I got my positive results during my first pregnancy. I sat there and stared at the test nervously waiting to see what would happen. Here is what I saw...
We both have a ton of emotions running through us right now, not the least of which is excitement. However, I'll save that up for another post because right now, I just want to enjoy the thrill and excitement of today.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Mother's Day
Mother's Day can be a sticky subject for those who have lost a child. Many feel sadness, and rightfully so, on this holiday. While I totally understand this reaction, for me it is a positive memory that I have with Evelyn.
Many people consider your first Mother's Day the first year that you celebrate with your child present in your arms. However, based on this view point, I would not be considered a mother and to this I definitely take exception. Even while babies are in the womb, mothers are nurturing them with the food they eat, the songs they sing, and the gentle rub of their bellies to feel their baby move. I was lucky enough to spend one Mother's Day with Evelyn while she was still living and, for that reason, I cherish this holiday and celebrate that I got to spend time with my daughter even if she was not in my arms.
This Mother's Day was very special because it is my first that I got to celebrate while being a mother of two. That's right, you read that correctly...TWO! That is the news that I've been waiting to share. I have a few posts that I've saved up that I wrote during the earlier stages of pregnancy when I wasn't comfortable sharing the news. Each one has the date indicated at the top to give a time frame as to where I was in my pregnancy.
I was hesitant to share the news because I know there are still a couple of good friends that we have not told yet. Not because we don't want them to know, but because we were waiting to share the news in person and we really don't see some of them very often (unfortunately). So, if you are one of these friends, I apologize profusely and I hope that you are not offended to find out in this manner. We'll make it up to you and buy you dinner or ice cream or something. That being said, I'm pretty sure no one reads this. ;)
Currently, I am 17 weeks and 3 days along with our second baby and this baby is expected to arrive sometime around October 15th. Bob and I are excited and cautiously optimistic for a positive outcome this time around.
Thanks for reading and I hope you all had a very happy Mother's Day!
Many people consider your first Mother's Day the first year that you celebrate with your child present in your arms. However, based on this view point, I would not be considered a mother and to this I definitely take exception. Even while babies are in the womb, mothers are nurturing them with the food they eat, the songs they sing, and the gentle rub of their bellies to feel their baby move. I was lucky enough to spend one Mother's Day with Evelyn while she was still living and, for that reason, I cherish this holiday and celebrate that I got to spend time with my daughter even if she was not in my arms.
This Mother's Day was very special because it is my first that I got to celebrate while being a mother of two. That's right, you read that correctly...TWO! That is the news that I've been waiting to share. I have a few posts that I've saved up that I wrote during the earlier stages of pregnancy when I wasn't comfortable sharing the news. Each one has the date indicated at the top to give a time frame as to where I was in my pregnancy.
I was hesitant to share the news because I know there are still a couple of good friends that we have not told yet. Not because we don't want them to know, but because we were waiting to share the news in person and we really don't see some of them very often (unfortunately). So, if you are one of these friends, I apologize profusely and I hope that you are not offended to find out in this manner. We'll make it up to you and buy you dinner or ice cream or something. That being said, I'm pretty sure no one reads this. ;)
Currently, I am 17 weeks and 3 days along with our second baby and this baby is expected to arrive sometime around October 15th. Bob and I are excited and cautiously optimistic for a positive outcome this time around.
Thanks for reading and I hope you all had a very happy Mother's Day!
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